I always find that I spend lots of time reflecting on events of the year at this time of the year and today has been a day of refection, and I feel extremely emotional as I am typing this, as it has been one heck of a tricky year, with many times where I didn’t believe I had the abilities to cope and often felt like getting in my car and driving away……away from IT ALL!!
I frequently felt weak and that I was failing in every area, but mostly as a Mum, and everyone around me was noticing it. It was having a huge effect on my business too. In fact, I had to stop seeing clients, in order to preserve the small amount of myself I had left… I had absolutely nothing in the tank to giveaway.
I think this came as such a shock to me, as I was ‘The strong one’ – Something I have been told all my life. Why couldn’t I get my shit together, why couldn’t I handle this? I had experienced far far worse than this in the past, but I just couldn’t find a way out of the fog…..I couldn’t see the wood for the trees.
I am not going to go into any more detail, as my family and their privacy is the most important thing to me, but I can say that fast forward to today, and after some intense sessions with my amazing therapist, Denise, along with the unconditional the love and support around me in so many areas, I am able to look back with gratitude for everything I have experienced, and I am definitely more connected to myself just that little bit more and standing that much taller than before.
I am going to be honest with you, in the past, when I heard someone say that they were grateful for experiences of the past, I just couldn’t understand it, in fact it made me so angry.
How an earth can you be grateful when life dishes you heartache and sadness……..what a ridiculous thing to say. How can I possibly be grateful for the experience of losing my sister!!!!!?????
It has taken me a while to get to the understanding I have of gratitude today, and the journey to this understanding has been an essential part of my story.
I can hand on heart say with conviction today, that I am grateful for every single experience I have had to date.
Because without them, I wouldn’t be the women I am today. Period!
Because of everything I have experienced up until now, I can recognise that I am brave and courageous, strong as well as vulnerable, I am not afraid to ask for help and support when I need it. I feel so connected in my mind and body and have a deep understanding of all my emotions. I have grown in confidence and self-worth, and recognise how important it is, as a Mum, to apply my oxygen mask first, something I would have considered self-indulgent
An example being, the therapy I have had this year. It was a reach financially for us, but it was essential for me to keep moving forwards, so it was non-negotiable.
So many women/mum’s, place themselves and their emotional wellbeing, at the bottom of the list of priorities, and see it as a non-essential expense, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. We HAVE to apply our own oxygen masks first.
So, I have a little challenge for you.
I want you to find 30 minutes in your day, where you wont be disturbed, grab a journal, or a piece of paper, and I want you to look at each and every ‘difficult’ experience you have had in your life, up until now, and find the strengths you exhibited both during and afterwards.
Who have you become and how have you grown, as a result of those life lessons?
In doing this, you will be able to have a new way of looking at the experience and be able to adjust your gaze to see just how
much of those experiences, have made you the amazing person you see when you look in the mirror today.
I would love to hear how you feel as a result of completing this task and if it has been as helpful to you, as it has been to me in the past